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| © 2003 Maureen Simon MaureenSimon.com maureen@maureensimon.com |
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June 1999 06 Whole number 241/Volume 165 (abridged) A Design For Living by Carmel
Allen
Your second life, you'll be pleased to hear, has nothing to do with Hoddle-type
beliefs in reincarnation but is, in the words of David Zelman, director of the
Transitions Institute in Dallas, "the life you design for yourself". With the
help of people such as Zelman, we can shrug off our old selves and shape our
new selves into what we've always wanted to be; think of it as personal
training for the mind. Want to change your life? Here's how. We sent five women to life coaches to see if they could achieve their goals. The most talked-about practitioners of this kind of work are the so-called life coaches who advise clients to do an MOT on their lives and decide what they want improved. After the coaching partnership is formed, coaches not only help clients to establish what they want in life, but provide a tangible way to go about achieving those goals through weekly 40-minute sessions that usually take place over the phone. There are other ways to move forward, like shamanism or specialized hypnotherapy, which are different to coaching but share a similar purpose-to remove the invisible cords that hold us back from being the person we want to be or doing the things we want to do. Cynics may see it as yet another accessory for the "lifestyle" generation, which expects drugs like Prozac to brighten the sky and Viagra to move the earth. But people who choose to work with Zelman demand far more of themselves than they ever could from a pill. These are the kind of women who already have a rewarding career, a warm home, a caring partner and their name on a waiting list for a Gucci biker jacket. They've traveled the road to success and collected all the trappings en route only to find them to be just that ? trappings. "Fulfilling your needs does not equal fulfilling your potential," explains Zelman. "As a matter of fact, many people feel they've compromised their potential because they had to satisfy certain financial, political and social requirements." For others, the desire to reach maximum potential comes after time and energy spent in therapy, sorting out the past. "Analysis and therapy can become retrogressive," explains Maureen Simon, the first graduate from Life Coach University to operate in the UK, and author of the book Creating The Life You Want. "People begin to define themselves by their problems, which is a handicap to moving onwards and upwards," she says. Carrie, a young mother with a small design business and a loving marriage, found that she felt increasingly uneasy with each step up the ladder. "I was in the perfection trap," she says. "I became one of those women who has everything and yet still feels wretched, so I turned to therapy. The first two years were wonderfully insightful. It felt like I was unraveling a huge woolly jumper that was my life. My therapist helped me retrace my steps and I could see all the ugly patterns I'd woven by repeating the same mistakes. But once the unraveling was done I felt I needed new tools to start knitting something more wearable, and therapy just didn't give me that." Carrie was also aware that she didn't want to become one of those women who go searching for the answers by filling their days with aromatherapy, reflexology and colonic irrigation. To look at the self-help section of any bookstore, there has never been a better time to find one's "true and full potential". Shelves are heaving with books that focus on changing one's mind-set to concentrate on the present rather than the past. They all aim to give us mind tools that help us unlock our potential. As we come to the end of this century, the victim mentality that our therapy-laden culture has fostered over the past 30 years could well be coming to an end, too. The familiar vision of the bespectacled therapist listening to the angst-ridden patient lying on a couch will be replaced by the world of e-mail coaching messages and transatlantic calls via satellite. It can only be a matter of time before Nora Ephron and Woody Allen get together on this one. It wasn't until I realized exactly what I wanted to be more focused and organized that I decided to explore life coaching. After one weekend of discovery, I feel less chained to the past and have a lot more belief in myself. If I keep journeying I'm sure I will receive the answers I need. JUDY BASTYRA WORKED WITH MAUREEN SIMON It was my fiftieth birthday last summer and my partner, an architect, had designed a summer house with decking in the garden. All my friends brought bamboos and tropical plants and the party began. Life couldn't have been sweeter, and yet I was at a watershed. I went to my health club which was having an induction day for new treatments and therapies. By the end of the afternoon, I'd had my chakras aligned, my meridians sorted out, my feet squeezed, and I was still feeling totally out of balance. I thought I'd take a look at the woman doing alternative face-lifts but decided the queue was too long and then completely by chance-I got talking to an American woman, Maureen, who happened to be a life coach. She explained a little of what she did and we exchanged numbers, but it wasn't until I realized what I really wanted to work less, earn more, and to be more focused and organized that I decided to explore life coaching. The partnership began with me answering true or false to the clean-sweep questionnaire a table of 100 statements covering money, relationships, well-being and physical environment, questions like "I floss daily", "I have nothing around the house or in storage I do not need", "I currently save at least 10 percent of my income" and "I do not judge or criticize others". The coaching then took place at an agreed time over the phone or by e-mail. Each week, a list of things to achieve and sort out was drawn up and the previous week's accomplishments were looked at and reviewed. Maureen was there to help me face the brick walls and pitfalls encountered en route. Unlike a friend or mentor, she was there for me 100 per cent, offering unconditional support, motivation and strategies to keep me on track. With Maureen, there are no excuses. After three months, I reorganized my finances and got a new agent who is now negotiating four times as much for my work (Judy is a freelance journalist). I felt able to turn down the work I didn't want to do and I now feel free to pursue the pieces I do want to write. The alternative face-lift is no longer an issue. |